Today I finally went to a gastroenterologist who listened to me. No, actually listened to me. The fisrt thing she did when she came into the room was apologize to me for not getting proper care until I came to her. She then said that with the test results that were in my file that she has no idea what kind of pain I have been dealing with for so long and she wanted to change that. I practically threw myself at her feet in gratitude.....until I heard the whole story.

Always be carefull what you wish for. She took me off all of my narcotics and started me on different sorts of pain meds. First, Belladonna, which I thought was cool just because of what it used to be used for. Now they use it for stomach cramping. Then valium. She said that instead of giving me the dilaudid and morphine and risking them slowing down my motility any more than it already is she would rather give me the valium and hope that I pass out and sleep through the worst of it. If this doesn't work she said to just go to the er again and get some morphine IV.

But here is the really scary part. She said that my gastroparesis is severe enough that I should qualify for a gastric pacer, which is a pacemaker for the stomach that makes the vagus nerve work. This isn't a cure or even proven to work all the time, but I guess my case makes me someone they are wanting to try it with. I'm not at all happy about surgery. I hate the thought of being intubated. Freaks me out really. And I'm insulin dependant so I don't heal well. She is applying for me to get the surgery at either Stanford or UCSF since it's a cutting edge surgery. No pun intended.

And then it gets even freakier. If they don't approve me for a gastric pacer she wants to remove my stomach. REMOVE MY FRIGGIN STOMACH. I didn't even know they did this. How the hell does a person survive without a stomach? And there are so many emotional issues that I have with food....I can't even begin to describe them all. So you can imagine the panic that this little bit of information inflicted on my poor and wounded psyche. I love food. How can I celebrate a birthday without a Baskin&Robbins ice cream cake? That's just rude to suggest it! So now, even though I'm totally afraid of surgery in any form I am now lighting candles all over the damn place that I get approved for this gastric pacer. If anything,if it doesn't work for me I've at least bought some time with my stomach. This just all sucks.

My husband has been in TN since Monday. He had to fly there unexpectantly because his father was just diagnosed with a brain tumor. Another brain tumor. He had surgery in 1995 to remove another one so this might be the old one coming back. The whole family is extremely worried about him. I am too. He's the only inlaw type relative that I actually like and get along with. I'm so gratefull that the hubby will be back tomorrow. I always sleep easier when he's here. Even though I have psycho dog here to make some noise if there's a problem. But still....

love and light to everyone!